I started this blog, “Sara’s Musings,” back in July 2010 when I was in the middle of a massive job hunt that started in April 2009 when I was 56 that eventually produced no job after years of looking for it, and now I have close to 1,000 blog posts combined on this blog and on my the second blog, “Sara’s Reflections,” that I started in April 2018.
What got me to thinking about it today was that I happened to stumble upon a post I published back on September 5, 2018, on my second blog titled, “If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time.” The YouTube video I posted at the bottom of that post was a song that came out in 1970 that was the second major hit for Tyrone Davis (1937-2005) titled, “If I Could Turn Back the Hands of Time.” (Click here for YouTube video.)
1970 was the year I graduated from high school, and I remember thinking back then that the turn of the century was still 30 years away, and I would be 48 during that year. That sounded so old to me back then as an 18-year-old, and it seemed like it was a million years away. Like most young women in my age range, I figured I’d marry at some point in my 20’s and have kids, and, hopefully, not end up divorced like my parents did when I was 12.
Fast forward to today, and the turn of the century (2000) happened 24 years ago. I’m still shocked sometimes at how fast time has passed. I remember my maternal grandmother being “old” (she died at 86 when I was 25); and my own mother died at 54 from health issues when I was 30. She never even made it into her “senior” years nor did she live long enough to see this new century.
As the years passed, I never did marry and have kids, but I didn’t plan it that way. I just never fell in love with any guy I dated, and I wasn’t going to marry just any guy because he asked me to marry him (which I almost did in 1983, but I backed out of the wedding a few weeks before it was to take place). I didn’t realize then that as the years passed, I would not get another offer to marry, but even if I could go back in time I would not marry that guy I almost married. He was divorced and a few years older than me, and he entered my life briefly at the same time my mother was sick and dying, and he asked me to marry him three weeks after her death in March 1983. We were not in love, and he was just looking for another wife (his first wife divorced him and they had two small daughters–his wife had custody of them).
A couple of months after Mom’s death, I called off the wedding which was scheduled to take place in July 1983, and I applied to the state university for the fall semester in 1983 to finish a bachelor’s degree. I had earned an A.A. (Associates) degree in 1979 at a local college while working full time at a hospital on their 3-11 shift, and once I finished the A.A. degree at that same hospital I switched to a secretarial position working 8-5 until 1983 when I enrolled at the state university to finish a bachelor’s degree. The state university was in a different city, and I found a job as an editorial secretary for a professional journal at the state university that allowed me to work hours around my class schedule.
I received my Bachelor’s degree (B.A.) from that state university in May 1985, and I eventually earned a Master of Science degree (M.S.) from that same university in August 1991. After I received my M.S. degree, I applied for a doctoral fellowship in early 1992 at a private university in another state, and I was awarded one of two one-year doctoral fellowships for the 1992-93 academic year. That led to working in the area of Student Affairs/Student Services at colleges and universities for the next almost two decades until I lost a job in 2009 when I was 56 (as noted at the start of this post). For some reason I have yet to figure out 15 years later, I never did find another job in my career field.
For the next five years after losing that job in 2009, I was in a massive search for another job. I stopped counting the number of jobs I applied for when it reached 500 in early 2011, but I kept applying for jobs clear up through 2014 (and beyond). I traveled a lot by car looking for another job, too, and I traveled to several cities within 1000 miles of where I was living at the time. It was then that I discovered how much I loved taking road trips. Finances were very tight (I slept at rest stops in my car while traveling but stayed in a hotel room once I reached my destinations). I guess I thought I’d eventually find another job, but as my 60’s slipped by, I knew a job was never going to show up.
My last long road trip was taken in July 2019 when I drove back to my home state (2000 miles round trip) to attend my father’s funeral (he was 95). My dad remarried in 1979 to my stepmother who died in 2011 (she was 86). They were married almost 32 years at the time of her death.
Since 2014, I have also been searching for affordable income-based senior housing and, other than being put on waiting lists that I never heard back from, I have not found it yet. I can’t imagine most seniors looking for affordable senior housing have had this hard of a time finding it (I’ve been looking for it for a decade now), but it seems to resemble my years-long search for another job that I never found.
I’ve been living in an all-ages apartment complex for the past 3 1/2 years, and my lease was up for renewal again this past week, and yesterday I signed off on another lease. I like the apartment and the location I’m living in, but I was hoping that by now I would have secured an apartment in a senior complex that I could afford long term. Looking back over my life since 2009, I have learned over these past 15 years to take life one day at a time. I do know that God doesn’t make mistakes and that He is sovereign, and He has allowed me to have some very interesting experiences over these past 15 years. It reminds me of two verses found in Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV):
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Romans 8:28 (ESV) comes to mind, too. That verse states, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
I don’t have any regrets looking back on my life as I’ve learned a lot about things going on in our society today, and I know that marriage isn’t necessarily the answer when I look at my own parents’ marriage that failed. I also consider my mother’s life after their divorce (she was 36 at the time) until she died 18 years later at the age of 54. I grieve for her that she didn’t have a better life after their divorce. She worked at minimum wage jobs from the time of the divorce until two years before her death when her health got so bad she could not work anymore, but she was not one to complain even with all of her health issues. And she kept her sense of humor right up until she died.
Life is what it is for all of us. While we do often make our own choices and decisions, sometime things happen that we have no control over. That is where faith comes into play (for those who believe in God and Jesus Christ). Actually, faith comes into play in everything we do as Christians every second of every day. I’m not trying to negate those who might be reading this post who do not believe or who have other beliefs, but I mention this for those who do believe. Faith in God and in Jesus Christ keeps me going through all of my life’s experiences, and especially during these past 15 years, even though I never found another job, and I still have not found affordable senior housing after years of looking for it.
I’ll end this post with several verses of encouragement from an article published in 2017 titled, “Ten Bible Verses to Remind Us of God’s Faithfulness in Times of Trouble,” by Leah Marieann Klett, reporter at The Gospel Herald:
Here are twelve Bible verses to remind us of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and protection–even in the darkest of situations. Will you worry about matters out of your control, or will you trust God to be your ever-present help?
Psalm 46:1-2: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the Earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea …”
Philippians 4:6: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
Colossians 3:15: “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.”
Psalm 27:1: “The LORD is my light and my salvation–whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid?”
Deuteronomy 31:8: “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Hebrews 12:28-29: “Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe; for our God is a consuming fire.”
Psalm 28:7: “The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him.”
Psalm 31:19: “How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you.”
2 Corinthians 4:15: “All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.”
Psalm 100:4: “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.” (Quote source here.)
Also, here are two verses from Proverbs that have been the anchor of my life–Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV): Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways…
Acknowledge Him . . .
And He shall direct . . .
Your paths . . . .
YouTube Video: “Hallelujah Feeling” by Caleb and John:
Photo #1 credit here
Photo #2 credit is my photo altered using Lunapic.com
Photo #3 credit here
Sara's Musings 
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